My Special Needs Kid

Here we go again. My 11-year-old son, C, just suspended for 7 days - out of school. Second time this year. He became overwhelmed and threatened one of his teachers, actually, an interventionist (that's the new name for "special-ed teacher"), who is supposed to keep him from melting down. She was pushing him to get some work done and he couldn't take it.

But the story's not that simple, and this is where we as parents have to advocate for our kids. When I dug deeper and questioned my son about what happened, I learned that he tried to tell her that he was getting overwhelmed, and he used the anger management strategy that was given to him by his teachers, including her! He told her several times, "Will you please leave me alone right now," which means 'I'm about the explode and I need some time to myself to calm down". Her answer was "no".

This angered him even more because he was truly trying to use the plan. He told me, "I knew I was about to explode, but she wouldn't leave me alone! She hates me! I just needed time to calm down."

But because he didn't use the exact phrasing in the plan, which was, "May I have a moment please," the 'interventionist' said she was unaware that that's what he was saying. The asst. principal has been an advocate for us, but said she had to give him the minimum penalty for threatening a teacher.

What's my next move? I need to get the anger management plan into his IEP. This anger management plan actually came about after we had completed the IEP so it's not part of the IEP. Therefore, I can't claim that the teacher violated his IEP.

Also, I need to indicate in the IEP that the language need not be exact. If he says, "Leave me alone," "get out of my face", "I'm about to explode," etc., that qualifies as the protocol for teachers to give him time and space. 

For those of you who don't know, an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) is the blueprint for a child's special needs that the school will provide. It is a contract. It is put together by the parents and the teachers and must be reviewed at least once per year. A parent can request a review and revisions at any time.

So, C is home with me again. Sure, he's had consequences - no TV or video games during suspension. I've made him spend most of his time in his room and given him chores. It's no picnic. Despite all of the trouble he's had in school, he still likes school. He never says he doesn't want to go. I admire his resilience. He doesn't give up.